I was the perfect parent till I had my first baby. My sweet daughter brought into sharp focus the difference between theory and practice.

That's when the real learning started.

Over the years, she's taught me several lessons that translate surprisingly well to leading technology teams. Here are the four most important ones.

Patience Under Pressure

When things aren't going well (not listening to dad), losing my patience doesn't help. Getting visibly frustrated, stern, or angry doesn't result in her cooperation.

The same applies to technology leadership. When a project is struggling, getting impatient with the team—even a little bit—won't make them productive or give them clarity. It only demotivates them and actually makes things worse.

Make it fun

Sometimes a task simply isn't enjoyable—brush your teeth!—but still needs to get done. The key I found was to make it engaging and fun. Transform a mindless chore into part of something bigger and more exciting: "Who's going to win the get-ready-for-bed race!?"

This principle applies to technology teams as well, though with a bit more nuance. When a project isn't the most exciting, it's best to acknowledge that, while providing clarity on how this particular task is one part of a bigger mission that is more compelling and will ultimately open up opportunities for the individual, the team and the business.

Oftentimes this comes down to how this will help us win—and everyone loves to win, whether it's a game of get-ready-for-bed or in business.

Coach rather than Correct

When my daughter is doing something she's not supposed to do (climbing on the chair), saying "don't do that" is as effective as saying "don't think about an elephant." Instead, telling her what to do—"Feet on the floor, please"—works way better.

In the same way, when someone is heading down a suboptimal path, simply saying "don't do it that way" creates confusion rather than clarity. Instead, I've found that it's more effective to be specific about what they should do instead—coach rather than correct.

This approach not only solves the immediate problem but also builds capability for the long term.

Build Trust Through Integrity

Children are remarkably perceptive—if my daughter senses that I don't mean what I'm saying ("Yes, we can get ice cream... maybe"), it erodes trust. She'll spend her energy decoding my words instead of focusing on what matters ("Eat your blueberries").

When leading a team, it is important to lead with integrity and build trust (a complex subject on its own), and one principle stands out: say what you mean and mean what you say. It's hard to lead a team effectively if the team doesn't trust that their leader has both the team's and the business's best interests at heart.
Without trust, your team will spend more time reading between the lines than executing on the mission.

The Bottom Line

Parenting and leadership are built on a foundation of patience, purpose, clarity, and trust, and children provide the clearest signal on whether you're getting it right, so it's best to listen and learn.